Comments on: Gay dad wants both wife and boyfriend. http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/ Official Website for Abigail Garner's Book Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:37:24 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: alice http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-3076 alice Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:57:27 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-3076 Why would my father stay married to my mother for 48 years and somewhere around age 70 start practicing promiscuous gay behavior that killed him? He never came out to anyone. Why would my father stay married to my mother for 48 years and somewhere around age 70 start
practicing promiscuous gay behavior that killed him?
He never came out to anyone.

]]> By: Richard http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-2051 Richard Wed, 17 Oct 2007 13:54:56 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-2051 Many of the writers are correct. The reason many of us get into marriages and try to live what society terms a "normal" life is to conform to what is expected of everyone. A heterosexual person cannot imagine what a person goes through trying to figure out what you feel inside when everything society and the church teaches you says that you are wrong to feel what you do feel. They were taught that what they feel inside is right, we were taught that our feelings are wrong so we try to force ourselves to make the "right" choice. If we did not do what society forces on us, I think many less marriages would be made for the wrong reasons. I do, on the other hand, feel that people have begun to realize that it is not a choice. As they did not choose to be heterosexual, we did not choose to be gay. If I could choose, I would never choose to be gay. It is a horrible burden to try to hide. Many of the writers are correct. The reason many of us get into marriages and try to live what society terms a “normal” life is to conform to what is expected of everyone. A heterosexual person cannot imagine what a person goes through trying to figure out what you feel inside when everything society and the church teaches you says that you are wrong to feel what you do feel. They were taught that what they feel inside is right, we were taught that our feelings are wrong so we try to force ourselves to make the “right” choice. If we did not do what society forces on us, I think many less marriages would be made for the wrong reasons. I do, on the other hand, feel that people have begun to realize that it is not a choice. As they did not choose to be heterosexual, we did not choose to be gay. If I could choose, I would never choose to be gay. It is a horrible burden to try to hide.

]]> By: Jim http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-1817 Jim Sat, 14 Jul 2007 21:37:15 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-1817 I don't know what the hell this is about being "normal". First of all it takes a lot of self awareness to even realize you are gay or bi or whatever, and while yes some people have the sense of self at a young enough age to figure out whats going on with them some people have to take a lot more years discovering who they are in order to do that. Unfortunately until they figure out who they are a lot of people just do whats expected of them. Second there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising children in gay relationship in the first place. Kids pick each other for absolutely any reason under the sun and a study was done that actually shows the children of gay parents are more likely to be popular well adjusted and happy as children because of a feeling of unconditional acceptance and a lack of pressure to fit into gender roles and these children eventually grow into happier and healthier adults. I don’t know what the hell this is about being “normal”. First of all it takes a lot of self awareness to even realize you are gay or bi or whatever, and while yes some people have the sense of self at a young enough age to figure out whats going on with them some people have to take a lot more years discovering who they are in order to do that. Unfortunately until they figure out who they are a lot of people just do whats expected of them. Second there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising children in gay relationship in the first place. Kids pick each other for absolutely any reason under the sun and a study was done that actually shows the children of gay parents are more likely to be popular well adjusted and happy as children because of a feeling of unconditional acceptance and a lack of pressure to fit into gender roles and these children eventually grow into happier and healthier adults.

]]> By: James http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-1709 James Mon, 21 May 2007 23:58:36 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-1709 When I was young, there was a near unanimous belief that sexual orientation was a choice. People who became "addicted" to gay behavior were simply succumbing to habitual responses--or so the majority belief implied. Thus they could seek counseling, resolve to make different choices, and with enough determination break the habits that had made them think that they were gay. Today that line of thinking is less widely accepted, but is still widely endorsed among evangelical Christians and their counterparts in other faiths. With that way of thinking being instilled in young men, should we really be surprised that many gay teenagers would date women and ultimately enter into heterosexual marriages? I agree with Meret, "Gay men should not marry straight women!" But those who understand the inevitable disappointments that come about when they do should be strong supporters of attractive alternatives for lesbian and gay young persons. I am sure that most religious conservatives are sincere, but they are inferring a view of human nature from their religious texts that simply is untrue, and their views are a large component of the problem. When I was young, there was a near unanimous belief that sexual orientation was a choice. People who became “addicted” to gay behavior were simply succumbing to habitual responses–or so the majority belief implied. Thus they could seek counseling, resolve to make different choices, and with enough determination break the habits that had made them think that they were gay. Today that line of thinking is less widely accepted, but is still widely endorsed among evangelical Christians and their counterparts in other faiths. With that way of thinking being instilled in young men, should we really be surprised that many gay teenagers would date women and ultimately enter into heterosexual marriages? I agree with Meret, “Gay men should not marry straight women!” But those who understand the inevitable disappointments that come about when they do should be strong supporters of attractive alternatives for lesbian and gay young persons. I am sure that most religious conservatives are sincere, but they are inferring a view of human nature from their religious texts that simply is untrue, and their views are a large component of the problem.

]]> By: Meret http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-1701 Meret Fri, 18 May 2007 01:44:34 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-1701 I don't want to speak for anyone buy myself but I did not want a gay father. There is something odd about those two words put together. In my case they married when the gay pride movement was not in place but now there is no excuse. Gay men should not marry straight women. End of. Full stop. I don’t want to speak for anyone buy myself but I did not want a gay father. There is something odd about those two words put together. In my case they married when the gay pride movement was not in place but now there is no excuse. Gay men should not marry straight women. End of. Full stop.

]]> By: JM http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-145 JM Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:30:48 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-145 I had the same situation when my husband told me he was gay. I thought I could live with a situation like that but I couldn't handle it. Every time he went out I knew where he was going and it made me more bitter. It did not work..I also think that after counciling for a period of time it was a way for him to put the break-up blame on me..I couldn't handle it therefore the reason for breakup was me.. It also was, as my councilor would say, he can have his cake and eat it too! I also found it much easier to get the break-up over and get my own life on track..I could then love him as the person I knew him to be not someone living with me just because it was the right thing to do....I still love him even though he's not here anymore...That's my thought... I had the same situation when my husband told me he was gay. I thought I could live with a situation like that but I couldn’t handle it. Every time he went out I knew where he was going and it made me more bitter. It did not work..I also think that after counciling for a period of time it was a way for him to put the break-up blame on me..I couldn’t handle it therefore the reason for breakup was me..

It also was, as my councilor would say, he can have his cake and eat it too! I also found it much easier to get the break-up over and get my own life on track..I could then love him as the person I knew him to be not someone living with me just because it was the right thing to do….I still love him even though he’s not here anymore…That’s my thought…

]]> By: anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-144 anonymous Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:29:29 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-144 It seems to me that the gay persons who leave their children for a lover are very selfish. The impact on children can be something they carry for life. Children did not ask to be brought into this world, and the 2 people who made the decision to do so need to suck it up and provide a "normal" home for the kids. Why should these children HAVE to deal with the public.???? Is it fair to have parents who do not want their kids to pkay at their house, or kids calling them names, or being ashamed of the 2 moms, or lacking a regular family??? They often are defending their gay parents when deep down they hate it! They resent it! Many blame thenselves for the coming out. But , instead we are supposed to feel sorry for the gay parent???? They desert a family in order to "just be happy". They all state homosexuality is something people ae born with. If this is true, they knew when they made the marriage commitment, and the children decison. These are extemely big decisions that are deserted and forgotten about. I could go on, but will simply restate, the children and their lives arae much more important then than the"need " to have a relationship with a lover. Think about it!!! What is the % of gays who destroy families who remain a couple for any period of time?? It seems to me that the gay persons who leave their children for a lover are very selfish. The impact on children can be something they carry for life.

Children did not ask to be brought into this world, and the 2 people who made the decision to do so need to suck it up and provide a “normal” home for the kids.

Why should these children HAVE to deal with the public.???? Is it fair to have parents who do not want their kids to pkay at their house, or kids calling them names, or being ashamed of the 2 moms, or lacking a regular family???

They often are defending their gay parents when deep down they hate it! They resent it! Many blame thenselves for the coming out.

But , instead we are supposed to feel sorry for the gay parent???? They desert a family in order to “just be happy”. They all state homosexuality is something people ae born with. If this is true, they knew when they made the marriage commitment, and the children decison. These are extemely big decisions that are deserted and forgotten about.

I could go on, but will simply restate, the children and their lives arae much more important then than the”need ” to have a relationship with a lover. Think about it!!!

What is the % of gays who destroy families who remain a couple for any period of time??

]]> By: anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-143 anonymous Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:27:06 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2002/08/gay-dad-wants-both-wife-and-boyfriend/#comment-143 It is amazing because your story is almost exactly like mine. My father has come out to our family after 29 yrs of marriage to my Mom. I feel so in the middle of their relationship because they do not plan to divorce either. He has started to meet other men and I feel like he is still betraying my Mom in a way. It also feels like now that he has come out he doesn't want to deal with anything from his old life. Its comforting to know I am not alone in this situation. It is amazing because your story is almost exactly like mine. My father has come out to our family after 29 yrs of marriage to my Mom. I feel so in the middle of their relationship because they do not plan to divorce either. He has started to meet other men and I feel like he is still betraying my Mom in a way.

It also feels like now that he has come out he doesn’t want to deal with anything from his old life. Its comforting to know I am not alone in this situation.

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