Comments on: Gay dad wants both wife and boyfriend.

By: RR

RR — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 01:26:16 +0000

I am very happily married to a bisexual man who has both a wife (that would be me lol), and a boyfriend with whom he has a sexual relationship. No, this sort of arrangement isn’t for everyone, but it works for us. My husband’s relationship with his boyfriend never interferes with our marriage and family (we also have 10 yr old twins.) His boyfriend is a real sweetheart, and is basically a part of our family. Hubby and I have a very healthy sex life, love life, dating life, and home life. We find ways to make it work, because my husband is bisexual. That’s simply who he is. How can I ask him to deny a part of who he is?

By: brian

brian — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 00:41:22 +0000

I was married and I tried to live the life that my church told me I should. I had told my ex before we got married the LDS church told us that being gay was wrong. Ten years later we both have left the church we think that these churches cause a lot of heart ache for their anti-gay teachings. Families have to go through this all because the man or the woman were told that the person (of the same sex) that they want to be with is wrong so get married, have kids, and prey you will be straight one day. It doesn’t happen. It only leads to suicide.

By: Visitor

Visitor — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 08:28:01 +0000

We’ve all heard that being gay is genetic, but I’ve read a lot of stories about people being in really lousy hetero relationships and then moving to the other side – so I have to wonder if it’s more often than not, simply a choice.

As the mother of a self-declared “bisexual”, I’m angry and confused and very disappointed. And I believe that being a practicing bisexual is selfish, it is resisting any need to commit, it is fueling the “kicks” of everyone involved. No, I don’t accept it. I would not accept even the lesbian label. It is not what I hoped or planned for her and her future.

By: Tad

Tad — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:09:38 +0000

to Jennifer,

I understand to some degree your fury and sadness comment. But honestly, the years of our marriage were not simply a means for me to hide. I think we had a good life together as a family overall. There were many positives that we can all reflect on, if you can get over the fury and sadness. That is my prayer.

By: Tad

Tad — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 19:02:51 +0000

I am one of the gay men who cheated on his wife. I finally admitted I was gay and was in a relationship with another man. I can report that since I walked away (asked to leave) from my family and continued in the new relationship, my life is an utter Hell. My guilt and shame are a constant in my daily life. I think sometimes that I should dismiss myself from the relationship I am in and find a way to make amends for my selfishness, deceit, and dishonor to my ex-wife and son. I have not done so, however, because I need a friend and someone whom I can lean on. Would existing apart from my best friend atone for my past behavior?

My friend and I both live in the closet as much as possible. I know that this may be deceitful, but it is what we are comfortable with. We are close friends who chose not not share what goes on in our bedrooms.

My prayer is that one day my son and ex-wife will forgive me. It is the one hope that keeps me alive.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 13:20:18 +0000

I understand all the political and social reasons for being closeted and getting married. My post isn’t about that. My post is simply to state that I feel, soooo much, for the straight spouse who finds out their marriage was a lie.

I don’t know if I could recover from the fury and sadness of realizing that I’d basically wasted 10, 20, 30 or more years of my life on someone who was just using me as a place to hide.

By: alice

alice — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 02:57:27 +0000

Why would my father stay married to my mother for 48 years and somewhere around age 70 start
practicing promiscuous gay behavior that killed him?
He never came out to anyone.

By: Richard

Richard — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 13:54:56 +0000

Many of the writers are correct. The reason many of us get into marriages and try to live what society terms a “normal” life is to conform to what is expected of everyone. A heterosexual person cannot imagine what a person goes through trying to figure out what you feel inside when everything society and the church teaches you says that you are wrong to feel what you do feel. They were taught that what they feel inside is right, we were taught that our feelings are wrong so we try to force ourselves to make the “right” choice. If we did not do what society forces on us, I think many less marriages would be made for the wrong reasons. I do, on the other hand, feel that people have begun to realize that it is not a choice. As they did not choose to be heterosexual, we did not choose to be gay. If I could choose, I would never choose to be gay. It is a horrible burden to try to hide.

By: Jim

Jim — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 21:37:15 +0000

I don’t know what the hell this is about being “normal”. First of all it takes a lot of self awareness to even realize you are gay or bi or whatever, and while yes some people have the sense of self at a young enough age to figure out whats going on with them some people have to take a lot more years discovering who they are in order to do that. Unfortunately until they figure out who they are a lot of people just do whats expected of them. Second there is absolutely nothing wrong with raising children in gay relationship in the first place. Kids pick each other for absolutely any reason under the sun and a study was done that actually shows the children of gay parents are more likely to be popular well adjusted and happy as children because of a feeling of unconditional acceptance and a lack of pressure to fit into gender roles and these children eventually grow into happier and healthier adults.

By: James

James — Mon, 21 May 2007 23:58:36 +0000

When I was young, there was a near unanimous belief that sexual orientation was a choice. People who became “addicted” to gay behavior were simply succumbing to habitual responses–or so the majority belief implied. Thus they could seek counseling, resolve to make different choices, and with enough determination break the habits that had made them think that they were gay. Today that line of thinking is less widely accepted, but is still widely endorsed among evangelical Christians and their counterparts in other faiths. With that way of thinking being instilled in young men, should we really be surprised that many gay teenagers would date women and ultimately enter into heterosexual marriages? I agree with Meret, “Gay men should not marry straight women!” But those who understand the inevitable disappointments that come about when they do should be strong supporters of attractive alternatives for lesbian and gay young persons. I am sure that most religious conservatives are sincere, but they are inferring a view of human nature from their religious texts that simply is untrue, and their views are a large component of the problem.