Comments on: Why is an 11-year-old daughter so angry around her transgender dad?

By: Cayla Marie

Cayla Marie — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 06:19:03 +0000

Well I’m glad I read this. I’m a 28 year old transgendered woman, and also the father of a 3 year old girl. It’s unimaginably hard to deal with. I’ve only been taking hormones for 2 months, and haven’t dressed in front of her yet. I’m sorry to hear that so many children of transgendered dads are so miserable. The last thing I want is to pass my misery onto my daughter. But at the same time, if I stop my transition now, and try to continue my life as a man until the day I die. I will live this entire life without ever knowing happiness. Suicide has crossed my mind a million times as it is. If I throw away these hormones I just bought (which make me feel blissfully at peace for once), throw away the new clothes I just bought, and forget about EVER being my TRUE self.. then I’ll continue to grow more depressed as each day passes, until my loneliness will one day get the better of me, and I’ll finally take my last breath in this miserable existence.

By: Yolanda

Yolanda — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:33:14 +0000

Thanks for the feedback. I am separated from my husband of 11 years because he wants to live as Erica. He didn’t want a divorce, he wanted me to become lesbian. No thanks!

I consider myself very open minded but this is so hard to deal with. I have many gay friends and they are happy being male so don’t understand him either. It must be so difficult to be transgendered. Even the gay community doesn’t get it usually.
He is not helping me financially in anyway and has seen the children twice in 2 months. He has money for hormones but not for gas to see his twin boys that are turning eight next week. He doesn’t want the neighbors to know he has children so they have to be quiet and do not want to visit his home.

So I have decided not to have contact with him because he is always negative and hurtful to me and the children and life is confusing enough for eight year olds. Seeing their father dressed as a woman is something I do not want them to see at this time.
My stepdaughter is in college and very supportive of him. My hope is that the boys will understand later in life.

By: James

James — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:32:17 +0000

Cross dressing does damage to kids no matter what anyone says. Society does not accept it and they have to suffer. I do not think the kids have to suffer and no it is not normal.

By: Terry

Terry — Thu, 28 May 2009 15:28:58 +0000

I am taking care of a child that is from a broken home as the mother is a drunk and the dad is a cross dresser ( he does have relationships with males and he is still all male). I really do not know what to do for this child sometimes. She would like for her dad to dress normal when he is around her and he can do what he wants when he is alone. People do make fun of him and it does cause problems. I am the care taker and I have to honestly say I have problems with her dad as he wants her to come live him but up until this time he has never been there for her. I have to make sure her life is good and I can not depend on either of her parents. SHe as been with us for about 2 years and does not want to live with either of them. I do not think either household is good. I want what is best for her but I think both of her parents will do major damage.

By: Christine

Christine — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 20:21:41 +0000

My “moddy” has been a cross dresser all her life. She told my brother and I about it when we were 7 and 10. Then she went on hormones while I was still in highschool despite the fact that I begged her to wait just one more year until I could get out of highschool and wouldn’t have to explain all this to my friends. But she didn’t. Then when I was a freshman in college she flew to Thailand and got the surgery. I tried to mourn the loss of my dad but it didn’t work. I’ve tried not talking to her, I’ve tried therapy, I’ve tried anti-depressents. Nothing works. I still wish I had a male father. But I don’t and I move on and no its not fair what happens to childen of T parents but they will survive. They probably won’t have the healthiest of relationships for a while and they probably will have a lot of emotions. But its the support from others that they need. They need to know that although one parent may have coped out on their end of the deal they have a world full of friends and family that didn’t.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 13:55:12 +0000

My ‘dad’ is a ‘transexual’ my parents are still together, and I still find it weird, my brother and I were bullied to an extent through our childhood, I still find it hard to deal with the fact that my ‘dad’ whom I now call my aunty to friends, isn’t my dad anymore. It makes me angry, and I often think he/she is very selfish, it upsets me quite a lot of the time, the only person I’ve ever talked to about it is my mum. I also find it hard when I get new boyfriends, and I am scared they will find out from someone else before I tell them. I also find it hard, when she gets angry with me and tries to shout at me, as I don’t see this person as my father anymore.

By: Renee

Renee — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 06:01:31 +0000

Sue, you sound an awful lot like one of those people who would “save the marriage” in order to “spare the kids”. The kids are not better off when a parent is depressed. Emotional unavailability does not “spare” them in any way. Of course the child shouldn’t be blamed, but as adults we are responsible to show them that hate and resentment are a non-productive way of dealing with someone else’s life choices, and that accepting the differences of those close to us and learning to live with them ultimately makes us better people.

By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 04:06:17 +0000

I think you are all crazy. I don’t blame any child that hates their transgendered father. They have already made the commitment to be a father and it is a selfish decision to break that commitment and become a woman at this point. It is unfortunate that some people live their lives unhappy and feel that they are in the wrong sex, but they should suck it up and go on living depressed to spare their children, wives, and family. They have already committed to their families which may have been a mistake, but it is not something they have the right to take back.

By: Pam

Pam — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 12:48:21 +0000

Caroline -

I wish I could talk to you. I am the MTF biological father of a son who is now 26 years old. Fate’s intervention resulted in my coming out to him and subsequently leaving my ex and both of my sons when he was 16.

We were a very close family before I came out but that changed drastically afterwards (my ex and my 26 y.o. son have nothing to do with me now but my 29 year son still does).

I have gone on being called “Dad” because nothing is more important to me than having their love and if that’s what they want to call me so what? (I am, after all…)

But as I said, the 26 y.o. has completely cut me off and I have tried everything I can think of (from groveling to getting angry) to reconnect with him.

Aside from my own feelings about this I never did and still do not want to hurt him but I also don’t know what else I can do.

As a child of a transsexual parent, do you have any suggestions for me?

Thanks, Caroline, and may you find peace in your heart in your relationship with your father.

Pam

By: Caroline. C

Caroline. C — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 00:05:36 +0000

i am a daughter of a transgender father. i know exacly why the little girl is so angry. this where my first feelings: what would you do? all the people that are saying: ‘but you get something beautiful instead’. no i don’t. cause here i am grieving while my father isn’t that at all! but still i feel like he is dead. cause now i almost have two mothers. seriously you have no idea how angry it makes me.

it’s so selfish, and i know he can’t do anything about it, it also seems horrible to me to grow up in a wrong body. but still. i feel so powerless.. it all feels like a bad dream.

but now i’m accepting it. i have a special dad, and i love him in a special way. but still it hurts when we are with his ‘girlfriends’ and he says to me before we go: ‘don’t call me names, just call me Cleo’. and i’m like which names? ‘well you know like dad and stuff’. i’m not aloud to call my father ‘dad’ in front of his ‘girlfriends’. that’s hard. i just feel like there isn’t enough help for the children of transgender fathers, though Abigail has a beautifull website. we (the children of transgender parents) need to get in tough.