Comments on: “My mother is gay, but she does not know I know.”

By: carmen

carmen — Wed, 14 May 2008 00:28:29 +0000

My younger brother and i no longer live with my mother. She has been living with my younger brother and her ‘partner’ for over a year. She told us this woman was her friend. We had reason to believe otherwise particularly since my younger brother overheard them both having sex in the middle of the afternoon while both boys were at home. I have been wanting to raise it with my mother for over a year. She has pretended that there is nothing wrong. Her partner acts defensive when ever we return back to the family home we once lived. Angry at my mother for not telling the truth and constantly accusing us of keeping things from her i messaged her yesterday telling her i knew. I received a message from her this morning denying nothing but saying she never had the intention to hurt any of us.

I would generally consider myself to be an intelligent, capable young woman, but i hate my mother. I hate her so much. I wish her partner would die. I want them both to piss off out of the country. I hate her for the pain she has caused my father and my younger brother, and for her inability to be strong and honest.
Whilst i have many gay friends I hate and currently cannot accept my mother for being gay and ruining our family.

I think it is important that people understand that not all children are able to respond with measured understanding and compassion, and it is not reasonable to expect this. Dishonest gay parents have reason to worry. Believe it or not, their children have the right to feel cheated, hurt, angry and hateful, and their feelings are no more worthy of judgement then sexuality of their gay parent.

By: A lesbian mom

A lesbian mom — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 17:50:39 +0000

My biggest fear as a mother was the possibility of rejection from my children if I came out to my children. I did alot of reading and was prepared when I made the decision to come out to my kids. They were 10 and 3 at the time which made for outing myself at two different age appropriate levels.

Silly as it seems now, I feared that if I waited till my kids were adults they would never let me see my grandchildren. I also wanted the boys to see me happy in life with someone I love. They are now 10 and 17 and are very well adjusted. I have friends who have chosen not to share their lives with their kids. And it’s like they lead a secret life behind closed doors.

I’m sure that your mom has wanted to tell you but has just found the right time or the courage to share this part of her life with you. If I were your mom I would welcome the opportunity for you to open the door to the conversation.

By: David Parker

David Parker — Wed, 06 Nov 2002 02:51:37 +0000

Your mother may not KNOW you know, but she probably THINKS you know. Both of you will have a stronger, better relationship if you bring this out in the open. And, you may develop a better relationship with her partner as well.

Hiding just keeps both parties in the closet — where they hide a part of themselves, estrange themselves from the relationship, and suffer from the stress of hiding.

If you don’t acknowledge your understanding to your mother you may lose her. She must, eventually, accept herself. Won’t it be easier for her if she knows you accept her?