Comments on: Mom kisses woman. Daughter moves out.

By: Jamie

Jamie — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:40:07 +0000

While not exactly in either your mom’s shoes, or yours I may be able to offer some small pieces of advise. (In my case, my mother is straight, and I am a lesbian.)
But where I am perhaps similar to your mom, is that nearly every female partner I’ve created a relationship with, identified as straight. We used the term “exception” as an endearment. Sort of like “The exception to the rule” My personal philosophy is that people love people, not genders. So even if you mom is in love with this other woman, it doesn’t necessarily make her a lesbian, or even bi-sexual.

I admire that you have chosen to respect your mother’s choice but I feel that the way you chose to show that, is very misleading for your mother. Please try to recognize that your mother has not “done anything to your family” Because love cannot be helped, and it is from love that families are created. Just as you will find, you cannot help but love the ones you already love yourself.

Perhaps the next few stepping stones would include having a gently conversation with her to discover how she truly feels about this other woman, and ways for all of you to get along. By no means should you feel like you need to call this other woman your other mother, just like I have never called any other my mother’s boyfriends ‘dad’. I simply don’t view them that way. However, there are still ways to get along, and live happily and comfortably together.

Hope this helps
Jamie

By: Anita

Anita — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 01:07:34 +0000

My daughters are 16 and 18 year old girls who told me tonight that if I do not end my relationship with my partner, they will sever all ties with me. I created this problem, I raised my kids in homophobic Christianity without even realizing it. We have always had friends of all walks of life (including gay) and it was never a issue.

I am being forced to go to my partner’s house today, and end it or not see my grandkids. (they have no kids yet, they are just saying in the future, it will not happen.) I feel everything is my fault. And when this has happened before i have retreated away from my partner.

I just cannot handle it anymore.

i have had councelling but this is just the most hardest thing to do in my life. the girls are very adamant about me ending it. they want their mom back (in the closet)
I am so upset.
Anita

By: Billie

Billie — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 20:07:44 +0000

I, too,am in your mother’s shoes. I feel just like your mom. I do not feel as if I am gay. I just fell in love with the woman I am with now! I was never attracted to any other women. I have always been attracted to men. I have been married 3 times and all of them failed before I ever met the woman I will spend the rest of my life with, and I do mean forever! We have 4 grown children between us. My partner told her family about us at Christmas. My mother and sister have known since the beginning of our relationship. At first, they did not like my partner.That was for about 6 months. Now they love her as much(maybe more) as they do me. We have been in our relationship for 8 years, now. Her 89 year old parents accept me and love me, so does her brother. We do not really know how our children feel, but we do know they love us. I think my child is punishing me by living with an older guy and dropping out of college. I hope she will realize she is only hurting herself. She is so beautiful and smart. Her boyfriend is a hustler and loves to start bar fights. She does not come from that kind of background. My partner and I are professional people in education. We have no secrets anymore. Give your mom a chance. I know she loves you very much, but you should want her to be happy and loved.

By: anonymous

anonymous — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:47:36 +0000

I truely hope that you will accept your mother for who she is no matter what her sexual preference. I realize that you are learning of your mothers feelings toward women at an age where you have already been subjected to the prejudices of society but please don’t let that interfere with you love for your mom.

I myself am a woman with children, been married and presently live with my female partner and my children. I too do not know what to “label” myself…I don’t feel it is necessary for me to have to pick the term lesbian or bi-sexual when each persons definition can vary so much. I am fortunate that my children are young — 7 and 4. My children love me because I have loved them, protected and nurtured them, done all the things every good mother does. They see nothing wrong with mommy loving a girl and why should they…after all I have taught them to love others for who they are inside not what they look like on the outside.

Remember all your mother has done for you in your life, the love she has given to you unconditionally and I’m sure you will do all you can to continue that relationship with your mom.

By: Annette

Annette — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:45:22 +0000

I have been in your mom’s shoes. First of all, after being in a hetersexual marriage for 14 years and then suddenly falling in love with a woman is not an easy transition. I really thought that I had gone off the deep end. It took time for me to come to the realization of my sexuality and accept it myself. I came out to my kids when they were 3 and 10 which I think is an easier transition for them. They’ve grown up with the situation. They are now 18 and 11. I have always asked their opinion when it came to my partner attending ball games, graduations, etc. They have always welcomed my partner because she is a part of their lives.

Give your mom some time to adjust to her newfound lifestyle. Don’t be so quick to judge or be ashamed. It is a difficult time for her too.