Comments on: She’s bisexual and married to a man.

By: Jason

Jason — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 22:53:03 +0000

Disgusting? How so? Are bisexuals not supposed to have children? Oops, nobody ever told me. Me wife is also bi. We have an unusual family true, but we are all very happy. As both Anne and Brenda commented being open and honest is absolutely vital. Our children are very aware that they have a special family. Our society loses so much by not accepting persons who are different.

By: Visitor

Visitor — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:18:01 +0000

It is disgusting that you would lead a “bisexual” lifestyle and have ANY children. What an injustice for them.

If your husband doesn’t get his own “kicks” from your “bi” choice, which would be unhealthy anyway, then he’s a total moron for tolerating you and your “discreet” activities.

By: BrendaLee

BrendaLee — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 05:33:18 +0000

I am a bisexual mom of two, and have been married to an LGBT-friendly man for over a decade. The key to the success of our marriage has been honest communication. My orientation has never been a secret, although not everyone in my family “knows”.

Monogamy is far from dull. We are comfortable enough in our marriage to discuss what we find attractive and to discover together what makes us feel good. We find others attractive and share our thoughts without feeling jealous, because we trust each other implicitly. We are faithful to each other and won’t jeopardize our relationship for a fling. Being open about our desires has served to strengthen our marriage rather than damage it. Like any couple, we’ve had our share of stormy weather, but things are easily resolved.

Now, as for our children, they have known since an early age that I used to date women and we have taught them that families come in many shapes and sizes. They have grown up with tolerance, compassion, and respect for others. Having a bisexual mom has not affected their orientations; it has made them more aware of the spectrum of love and more kind towards others.

By: Anne

Anne — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 05:03:24 +0000

We have three preschool children and my husband knows I am bisexual. We’ve agreed to keep it quiet. He says as long as I am discreet and cautious he will stay with me. Honesty is the only way to deal with this issue. Never hide it from your spouse.

By: Karen

Karen — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 21:16:18 +0000

Abigail,

You can also check out http://www.dottiesmagicpockets.com for “Dottie’s Magic Pockets” – a new DVD aimed at helping all kids understand and accept queer families.

Good luck!

By: chief

chief — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 17:06:40 +0000

Being bisexual is infidelity and thus confused. Choose one and forget the other.

By: Robert

Robert — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 04:29:51 +0000

I always enjoy reading your advice (though sometimes I do so a while after it comes out).

When I read the recent advice item about a bi married woman with kids, it occurred to me to suggest a yahoo group I read called “Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work.” (I’m a bi man married to a straight woman.)

Link: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MMOMW/

I’ve found the group to be a good place to find people who can debunk the myth that a marriage with one gay or bi partner cannot work.

Best regards,
Robert

By: Yvonne

Yvonne — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 14:40:23 +0000

I think it’s great that you are both so active in the LGBT community, while remaining a married couple. Your children are so young that they will think your social activities are normal…until they get into school and learn from friends’ families what else is “normal”. You are teaching them by example that all people are different and special, and this will turn them into non-judgemental adults…which the world can always use more of!!!

P.S. After 23 years as a lesbian, my mother is committed to a man. My 4 year old son spends lots of time with my Mom’s ex who still lives as a lesbian. He calls her and her partner “Grandma.” Someday he’ll learn that it’s different, but for now I enjoy the innocence.

By: Danny

Danny — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 14:38:56 +0000

I couldn’t agree more with your advice Abigail. The woman in question is quite openly bisexual to the world and their whole family is involved in the gay community. Both the children’s parents consider themselves part of the gay community. Therefore it is important that the children know the nature of their involvement. it’s better that they find out from their own parents, about their sexual orientation, rather than someone else.

They also need to be equipped for possible teasing at school. Finally, as you said, the children will have no doubt have questions to ask about their families involvement within the gay community.