Comments on: Mother to tell daughter: “I’m not gay but my girlfriend is.”

By: aDeVale

aDeVale — Fri, 22 Oct 2010 04:25:06 +0000

Actually . . . the post came in 2004, at this time, that’s six years ago and it would be interesting to see what happened to the relationship and how that all finally came to an–I hope–amicable conclusion.

There is something, though, that I haven’t seen a lot of evidence of in these conversations: a different relationship category forming.

By this, I mean that there is a intimacy. The woman above does not see herself as a Lesbian because, in the general life she probably lived, she is not–and that’s not a sham or a denial, but could well be the truth. This gets to the point of the emergence of a different relationship category: intimacy-focused, not gender-focused, relationship.

By: laura

laura — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 09:13:08 +0000

I am searching for an answer to how and when i should tell our combined family the truth. my girlfriend and i have never left eachothers sides in the past 13 years, but we have never sat down with our kids and had the conversation about “our” relationship. Everything was always too fragile…but here i am thinking, knowing, that we should have told them all along!

my partner and i fell in love upon meeting…never wanted it…never imagined. I am blessed and lucky.
13 years later…still in love but need help.

By: Visitor

Visitor — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:19:40 +0000

Anyone who declares themselves to be “bi” are simply people who are selfish, irresponsible CHEATERS.

I don’t know how ANYONE could ever trust a self-proclaimed “bisexual” if they cannot commit to one “side” or the another, to one permanent relationship.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:36:47 +0000

Isn’t it possible for a woman to be in a romantic relationship with another woman and not be a “lesbian”? As a woman I know that we have the capacity to love with out boundaries and fall in love with WHO and not WHAT. The majority of the GLB community are born with an inate attraction to the same sex. However, I think it is safe to say that there are many people (predominately w/ in the lesbian community) that have had negative experiences in hetero relationships or just found themselves falling for someone of the sames sex. Those scenerios are their introduction to the GLB community and not a “born with” identity.

If she is not a born lesbian then she should not label herself as such, it will only be more confusing for her daughter when/if the “lesbian” relationships ends.
Example: Anne Heche, Lindsay Lohan

By: anonymous

anonymous — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:40:37 +0000

COURTNEY THANK YOU FOR THAT YOUR STORY WAS SO INSPIRATIONAL FOR ME

By: anonymous

anonymous — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:37:12 +0000

WELL THIS IS QUITE INTERESTING I HAVE BEEN OPENLY LESBIAN FOR APPROXIMATELY 11 YEARS SO I AM ACTUALLY IN THE SHOES OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND AKA SLUMBER BUDDY MY GIRLFRIEND’S DAUGHTER IS 7 I JUST THINK THAT WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE USED TO BEING IN A HETEROSEXUAL ENVIRONMENT ITS KIND OF WHAT I THINK OF AS A CULTURE SHOCK FOR THEIR YOUNG MINDS WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS HER DAUGHTER LIKES ME SHE TELLS ME SHE LOVES ME ALL THE TIME AND I LOVE HER ALSO BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HER MOM ITS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR US YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL BE JUST FINE HECK I NEED SOME SUPPORT LMAO

By: bryant

bryant — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 02:34:13 +0000

i think that lesbians that marry just to hide their homosexual agenda-then destroy all the lives around them should not have kids-be allowed to have kids-nor even be allowed to be accepted in society-my wife left me for another woman in 1985,and is still with her-having my own daughter to grow up being a “queer”-as she was raised in a “HOMO” household-i will never accept gays,lesbians,etc in mainstream america-and i hope the agony of your being queer haunts you for the rest of your miserable life-!

By: John Magnussen

John Magnussen — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 11:20:01 +0000

Maybe your daughter is bisexual.

By: Courtney

Courtney — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 23:02:23 +0000

I met my partner six years ago. I made it clear to her that I was very interested in her and wanted to see her more.
She made it clear that she had been married to the same man for 20 years and had three daughters. One was 20 one was 15 and one was 13.
While her marriage was long over, her commitment to her children was the most important thing in her life and they will always come first.
After a lot of persistence and gentle time spent, and a lot of resistance to fall for me, she did and she let me into her life.
I spent some time with the girls, but not a lot. We wanted them to get to know me a bit before letting them know we were going to try this relationship.
The girls father (in a fit of rage) decided to blurt out to them that I was their mothers lover and if they wanted to know what was going on they should ask her. Needless to say things got ugly.
The transition was more than difficult. They hated me and hated what I represented. They were confused and scared. They were just babies and now they would have to confront this new person not with what we had hoped would be a summer of getting to know you but an instant adversarial relationship.

We faced them and we were open and honest with them. We kept the focus on them by trying not to point fingers at their dad. She loved them and tried to help them to wrap their minds around what was happening while trying to wrap her own mind around what was happening.
I was trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. Was I at all ready to be a significant part of the lives of teenage girls. Would our love survive all that was to come. Could I endure all the heartache.

Well the answer is yes to all of those questions. We survived, we all grew and we all changed forever.
We dont have the most perfect family and we all have our own personal struggles but what we do have is love and respect for each other even if it is not always what we want.
I Love my family – my partner, her(our children) and all that surrounds it.
I am not sure this has anything to do with the post but I am glad I wrote it.
Thanks for reading
Courtney

By: anonymous

anonymous — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:57:25 +0000

I think it was far more detrimental to your daughters emotional well-being to have seen ‘a lot of boyfriends’ parading through your home over her life. I don’t know how you presented them to her but my guess is that you introduced at least a few of them as ‘boyfriend’, then tossed(or were tossed) aside, teaching her that relationships, commitment, long term dedication is not necessary.

If you have been with this woman for a long time (a year and a half) and plan to commit to her for a long term then it would probably be Better for you daughter, because then she would see a dedicated relationship and HOPEFULLY try to mimic that.

Decide what kind of relationships you want your daughter to have in her life, do you want her to have many lovers? one long term? explore safely? What every you Show her she will do. If you want her to find love as you have then show her how and what that love is.

Thanx and good luck.