Comments on: Mother to tell daughter: “I’m not gay but my girlfriend is.” http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/ Official Website for Abigail Garner's Book Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:09:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Visitor http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-5407 Visitor Mon, 09 Nov 2009 01:19:40 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-5407 Anyone who declares themselves to be "bi" are simply people who are selfish, irresponsible CHEATERS. I don't know how ANYONE could ever trust a self-proclaimed "bisexual" if they cannot commit to one "side" or the another, to one permanent relationship. Anyone who declares themselves to be “bi” are simply people who are selfish, irresponsible CHEATERS.

I don’t know how ANYONE could ever trust a self-proclaimed “bisexual” if they cannot commit to one “side” or the another, to one permanent relationship.

]]> By: Anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-4393 Anonymous Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:36:47 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-4393 Isn't it possible for a woman to be in a romantic relationship with another woman and not be a "lesbian"? As a woman I know that we have the capacity to love with out boundaries and fall in love with WHO and not WHAT. The majority of the GLB community are born with an inate attraction to the same sex. However, I think it is safe to say that there are many people (predominately w/ in the lesbian community) that have had negative experiences in hetero relationships or just found themselves falling for someone of the sames sex. Those scenerios are their introduction to the GLB community and not a "born with" identity. If she is not a born lesbian then she should not label herself as such, it will only be more confusing for her daughter when/if the "lesbian" relationships ends. Example: Anne Heche, Lindsay Lohan Isn’t it possible for a woman to be in a romantic relationship with another woman and not be a “lesbian”? As a woman I know that we have the capacity to love with out boundaries and fall in love with WHO and not WHAT. The majority of the GLB community are born with an inate attraction to the same sex. However, I think it is safe to say that there are many people (predominately w/ in the lesbian community) that have had negative experiences in hetero relationships or just found themselves falling for someone of the sames sex. Those scenerios are their introduction to the GLB community and not a “born with” identity.

If she is not a born lesbian then she should not label herself as such, it will only be more confusing for her daughter when/if the “lesbian” relationships ends.
Example: Anne Heche, Lindsay Lohan

]]> By: anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-4221 anonymous Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:40:37 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-4221 COURTNEY THANK YOU FOR THAT YOUR STORY WAS SO INSPIRATIONAL FOR ME COURTNEY THANK YOU FOR THAT YOUR STORY WAS SO INSPIRATIONAL FOR ME

]]> By: anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-4219 anonymous Sat, 15 Nov 2008 02:37:12 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-4219 WELL THIS IS QUITE INTERESTING I HAVE BEEN OPENLY LESBIAN FOR APPROXIMATELY 11 YEARS SO I AM ACTUALLY IN THE SHOES OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND AKA SLUMBER BUDDY MY GIRLFRIEND'S DAUGHTER IS 7 I JUST THINK THAT WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE USED TO BEING IN A HETEROSEXUAL ENVIRONMENT ITS KIND OF WHAT I THINK OF AS A CULTURE SHOCK FOR THEIR YOUNG MINDS WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS HER DAUGHTER LIKES ME SHE TELLS ME SHE LOVES ME ALL THE TIME AND I LOVE HER ALSO BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HER MOM ITS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR US YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL BE JUST FINE HECK I NEED SOME SUPPORT LMAO WELL THIS IS QUITE INTERESTING I HAVE BEEN OPENLY LESBIAN FOR APPROXIMATELY 11 YEARS SO I AM ACTUALLY IN THE SHOES OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND AKA SLUMBER BUDDY MY GIRLFRIEND’S DAUGHTER IS 7 I JUST THINK THAT WHEN YOUR CHILDREN ARE USED TO BEING IN A HETEROSEXUAL ENVIRONMENT ITS KIND OF WHAT I THINK OF AS A CULTURE SHOCK FOR THEIR YOUNG MINDS WEVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS HER DAUGHTER LIKES ME SHE TELLS ME SHE LOVES ME ALL THE TIME AND I LOVE HER ALSO BECAUSE I AM IN LOVE WITH HER MOM ITS REALLY DIFFICULT FOR US YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL BE JUST FINE HECK I NEED SOME SUPPORT LMAO

]]> By: bryant http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-2616 bryant Sat, 16 Feb 2008 02:34:13 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-2616 i think that lesbians that marry just to hide their homosexual agenda-then destroy all the lives around them should not have kids-be allowed to have kids-nor even be allowed to be accepted in society-my wife left me for another woman in 1985,and is still with her-having my own daughter to grow up being a "queer"-as she was raised in a "HOMO" household-i will never accept gays,lesbians,etc in mainstream america-and i hope the agony of your being queer haunts you for the rest of your miserable life-! i think that lesbians that marry just to hide their homosexual agenda-then destroy all the lives around them should not have kids-be allowed to have kids-nor even be allowed to be accepted in society-my wife left me for another woman in 1985,and is still with her-having my own daughter to grow up being a “queer”-as she was raised in a “HOMO” household-i will never accept gays,lesbians,etc in mainstream america-and i hope the agony of your being queer haunts you for the rest of your miserable life-!

]]> By: John Magnussen http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-1943 John Magnussen Fri, 07 Sep 2007 11:20:01 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-1943 Maybe your daughter is bisexual. Maybe your daughter is bisexual.

]]> By: Courtney http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-1613 Courtney Sat, 03 Mar 2007 23:02:23 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-1613 I met my partner six years ago. I made it clear to her that I was very interested in her and wanted to see her more. She made it clear that she had been married to the same man for 20 years and had three daughters. One was 20 one was 15 and one was 13. While her marriage was long over, her commitment to her children was the most important thing in her life and they will always come first. After a lot of persistence and gentle time spent, and a lot of resistance to fall for me, she did and she let me into her life. I spent some time with the girls, but not a lot. We wanted them to get to know me a bit before letting them know we were going to try this relationship. The girls father (in a fit of rage) decided to blurt out to them that I was their mothers lover and if they wanted to know what was going on they should ask her. Needless to say things got ugly. The transition was more than difficult. They hated me and hated what I represented. They were confused and scared. They were just babies and now they would have to confront this new person not with what we had hoped would be a summer of getting to know you but an instant adversarial relationship. We faced them and we were open and honest with them. We kept the focus on them by trying not to point fingers at their dad. She loved them and tried to help them to wrap their minds around what was happening while trying to wrap her own mind around what was happening. I was trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. Was I at all ready to be a significant part of the lives of teenage girls. Would our love survive all that was to come. Could I endure all the heartache. Well the answer is yes to all of those questions. We survived, we all grew and we all changed forever. We dont have the most perfect family and we all have our own personal struggles but what we do have is love and respect for each other even if it is not always what we want. I Love my family - my partner, her(our children) and all that surrounds it. I am not sure this has anything to do with the post but I am glad I wrote it. Thanks for reading Courtney I met my partner six years ago. I made it clear to her that I was very interested in her and wanted to see her more.
She made it clear that she had been married to the same man for 20 years and had three daughters. One was 20 one was 15 and one was 13.
While her marriage was long over, her commitment to her children was the most important thing in her life and they will always come first.
After a lot of persistence and gentle time spent, and a lot of resistance to fall for me, she did and she let me into her life.
I spent some time with the girls, but not a lot. We wanted them to get to know me a bit before letting them know we were going to try this relationship.
The girls father (in a fit of rage) decided to blurt out to them that I was their mothers lover and if they wanted to know what was going on they should ask her. Needless to say things got ugly.
The transition was more than difficult. They hated me and hated what I represented. They were confused and scared. They were just babies and now they would have to confront this new person not with what we had hoped would be a summer of getting to know you but an instant adversarial relationship.

We faced them and we were open and honest with them. We kept the focus on them by trying not to point fingers at their dad. She loved them and tried to help them to wrap their minds around what was happening while trying to wrap her own mind around what was happening.
I was trying to wrap my mind around what was happening. Was I at all ready to be a significant part of the lives of teenage girls. Would our love survive all that was to come. Could I endure all the heartache.

Well the answer is yes to all of those questions. We survived, we all grew and we all changed forever.
We dont have the most perfect family and we all have our own personal struggles but what we do have is love and respect for each other even if it is not always what we want.
I Love my family – my partner, her(our children) and all that surrounds it.
I am not sure this has anything to do with the post but I am glad I wrote it.
Thanks for reading
Courtney

]]> By: anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-152 anonymous Wed, 29 Mar 2006 19:57:25 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-152 I think it was far more detrimental to your daughters emotional well-being to have seen 'a lot of boyfriends' parading through your home over her life. I don't know how you presented them to her but my guess is that you introduced at least a few of them as 'boyfriend', then tossed(or were tossed) aside, teaching her that relationships, commitment, long term dedication is not necessary. If you have been with this woman for a long time (a year and a half) and plan to commit to her for a long term then it would probably be Better for you daughter, because then she would see a dedicated relationship and HOPEFULLY try to mimic that. Decide what kind of relationships you want your daughter to have in her life, do you want her to have many lovers? one long term? explore safely? What every you Show her she will do. If you want her to find love as you have then show her how and what that love is. Thanx and good luck. I think it was far more detrimental to your daughters emotional well-being to have seen ‘a lot of boyfriends’ parading through your home over her life. I don’t know how you presented them to her but my guess is that you introduced at least a few of them as ‘boyfriend’, then tossed(or were tossed) aside, teaching her that relationships, commitment, long term dedication is not necessary.

If you have been with this woman for a long time (a year and a half) and plan to commit to her for a long term then it would probably be Better for you daughter, because then she would see a dedicated relationship and HOPEFULLY try to mimic that.

Decide what kind of relationships you want your daughter to have in her life, do you want her to have many lovers? one long term? explore safely? What every you Show her she will do. If you want her to find love as you have then show her how and what that love is.

Thanx and good luck.

]]> By: Annette http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-69 Annette Wed, 29 Mar 2006 06:28:01 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-69 At the age of 32, after 13 years in a heterosexual marriage, I came to the realization of my attraction to women. I met someone much younger and completely wrong for me. But it was a life-changing experience. At that time my boys were 10 and 3. I worked through all of my confusion with the situation, got a divorce, and most importantly came out to my kids and family. I believe in honesty with kids. They were there through my transformation, for the break-up, for the new relationships, they needed to know. I talked to each child individually on their own level. Gay or lesbian are not words that come up in our household. We focus more on the commitment, responsibility and love that is shared. The boys are now 18 and almost 11. My partner and I have been together 4 years in April of this year. Our primary focus is the kids. Children are ours for such a short time. The boys have grown up being very accepting of all people. I have always asked their opinion in situations. Like when the oldest son was playing baseball, I had just started seeing Beth, I asked him if it was okay for her to come to his game. He was 14 and his response was "Dad brings his girlfriend, there's no reason you can't bring yours." Kids are tough and can handle more than we think. By not telling her you may think you are protecting her, but in my opinion you're not allowing your daughter to really know you, to share in your happiness. I admit I read a couple of books on coming out to your children prior to talking with them. Focus on love, commitment, and family. Stay away from stereotypical names that denote negativity. At the age of 32, after 13 years in a heterosexual marriage, I came to the realization of my attraction to women. I met someone much younger and completely wrong for me. But it was a life-changing experience. At that time my boys were 10 and 3. I worked through all of my confusion with the situation, got a divorce, and most importantly came out to my kids and family.

I believe in honesty with kids. They were there through my transformation, for the break-up, for the new relationships, they needed to know. I talked to each child individually on their own level. Gay or lesbian are not words that come up in our household. We focus more on the commitment, responsibility and love that is shared. The boys are now 18 and almost 11. My partner and I have been together 4 years in April of this year. Our primary focus is the kids. Children are ours for such a short time. The boys have grown up being very accepting of all people. I have always asked their opinion in situations. Like when the oldest son was playing baseball, I had just started seeing Beth, I asked him if it was okay for her to come to his game. He was 14 and his response was “Dad brings his girlfriend, there’s no reason you can’t bring yours.”

Kids are tough and can handle more than we think. By not telling her you may think you are protecting her, but in my opinion you’re not allowing your daughter to really know you, to share in your happiness.

I admit I read a couple of books on coming out to your children prior to talking with them. Focus on love, commitment, and family. Stay away from stereotypical names that denote negativity.

]]> By: Yvonne http://familieslikemine.com/2004/02/im-not-gay-but-my-girlfriend-is/comment-page-1/#comment-68 Yvonne Wed, 29 Mar 2006 06:27:06 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=39#comment-68 There's so much to say about this question...but my basic thoughts for this woman are: As an adult child of a lesbian mom, I know the challenges your daughter is going to go through. You will be doing her a great disservice by not preparing her for these challenges. People will ask questions and she needs to know how to deal with them. She will face alot of awkward situations trying to tell people her mom isn't gay, she just shares her life, love (and bed) with a woman. She will certainly not be "ruined" be knowing that her Mom is in a loving relationship and by having the support she'll need from you to explain this to people. There’s so much to say about this question…but my basic thoughts for this woman are:

As an adult child of a lesbian mom, I know the challenges your daughter is going to go through. You will be doing her a great disservice by not preparing her for these challenges. People will ask questions and she needs to know how to deal with them. She will face alot of awkward situations trying to tell people her mom isn’t gay, she just shares her life, love (and bed) with a woman. She will certainly not be “ruined” be knowing that her Mom is in a loving relationship and by having the support she’ll need from you to explain this to people.

]]>