Comments on: A young daughter of lesbians questions what is “normal.” http://familieslikemine.com/2004/12/daughter-questions-what-is-normal/ Official Website for Abigail Garner's Book Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:09:12 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/12/daughter-questions-what-is-normal/comment-page-1/#comment-5019 Anonymous Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:10:27 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=50#comment-5019 Believe it or not 6 year olds are old enough to have a perception or "normal". It may not be accurate but they do. Last year my son would cry because he wanted a "normal" family. His father is gay and remarried but that wasn't even his issue then. At the time his issue was more that everyone had a Mom and Dad at home and he was the only child of divorce in his class. Sadly this too has changed. I took the route of acknowledging that his family was not the same as his friends but that doesn't mean it isn't normal. I also told him that come 2nd and 3rd grade there would be many kid's living in divorced households and maybe he was 1st for a reason. Maybe he was meant to help his friends through their situations. One year later it has come true. I make sure to acknowledge the bad parts but mostly though I make sure to emphasize all the positive that comes out of his situation. It's not perfect but so far so good. Believe it or not 6 year olds are old enough to have a perception or “normal”. It may not be accurate but they do. Last year my son would cry because he wanted a “normal” family. His father is gay and remarried but that wasn’t even his issue then. At the time his issue was more that everyone had a Mom and Dad at home and he was the only child of divorce in his class. Sadly this too has changed. I took the route of acknowledging that his family was not the same as his friends but that doesn’t mean it isn’t normal. I also told him that come 2nd and 3rd grade there would be many kid’s living in divorced households and maybe he was 1st for a reason. Maybe he was meant to help his friends through their situations. One year later it has come true. I make sure to acknowledge the bad parts but mostly though I make sure to emphasize all the positive that comes out of his situation. It’s not perfect but so far so good.

]]> By: Anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/12/daughter-questions-what-is-normal/comment-page-1/#comment-36 Anonymous Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:34:56 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=50#comment-36 These two moms need to find some other families like theirs with kids so that their little girl will be able to SEE that, while hers may not be the most common type of family, that there are more just like hers. That has been the biggest advantage of our little town. The elementary school has no less than a dozen kids with two moms. While those demographics are fortunate, we know that in a way, we are just plain lucky...all these lesbians had babies in the mid-90's, and we all ended up in the same neighborhood. (it's not all just a happy accident - our little town is known for its hippies, bikers, artists and lesbians) Anyway, the more this child can see other "all mom" families, the easier it will be for her to see that "normal" is a very broad term. These two moms need to find some other families like theirs with kids so that their little girl will be able to SEE that, while hers may not be the most common type of family, that there are more just like hers. That has been the biggest advantage of our little town. The elementary school has no less than a dozen kids with two moms. While those demographics are fortunate, we know that in a way, we are just plain lucky…all these lesbians had babies in the mid-90’s, and we all ended up in the same neighborhood. (it’s not all just a happy accident – our little town is known for its hippies, bikers, artists and lesbians)

Anyway, the more this child can see other “all mom” families, the easier it will be for her to see that “normal” is a very broad term.

]]> By: Anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/12/daughter-questions-what-is-normal/comment-page-1/#comment-35 Anonymous Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:34:11 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=50#comment-35 We are the proud family of two mommies and a seven year old daughter. We have always told our munchkin that she is the luckiest kid ever because she has two moms. All of the kids from her daycare through second grade have known this info because we have made it a point to tell them that she is the luckiest kid and asked them how cool would it be to have two moms. Every one of those children have been so excited for her and many have said that they wished that they had two moms too. Teach her to be proud of who she is and where she comes from. Take her to gay pride (unless you live in metropolitan area! Too many naked people!) and get the book "Heather has Two Mommies". We are the proud family of two mommies and a seven year old daughter. We have always told our munchkin that she is the luckiest kid ever because she has two moms. All of the kids from her daycare through second grade have known this info because we have made it a point to tell them that she is the luckiest kid and asked them how cool would it be to have two moms. Every one of those children have been so excited for her and many have said that they wished that they had two moms too. Teach her to be proud of who she is and where she comes from. Take her to gay pride (unless you live in metropolitan area! Too many naked people!) and get the book “Heather has Two Mommies”.

]]> By: Anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2004/12/daughter-questions-what-is-normal/comment-page-1/#comment-34 Anonymous Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:33:31 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/?p=50#comment-34 Raising children in this world of ours as lesbian parents is not easy - for us or for the children. (Speaking as the mother of twin daughters, age 10 here.) Our family has had many discussions on "normal" and "right", some of them heart breaking, some of them eye opening. Have patience with your child. It's hard, I'm sure, to be in school where the "norm" is a mom and dad. It's even harder when the media is reinforcing those "abnormal" perceptions and other parents are feeding into their own children's heads the fact that we are an immoral bunch with no idea of what family life is all about. Most importantly, just love your child. Let her come to terms with the fact that she does have two loving parents at home who respect her, love her and care for her. It won't take her long to realize that although some of the outside world will have comments to make she will have the knowledge that you are waiting for her at home - her home, a home filled with love and happiness. As one of my daughters recently commented, "Mom, I feel sorry for all the kids at school who worry about their home life. I know I am loved." Raising children in this world of ours as lesbian parents is not easy – for us or for the children. (Speaking as the mother of twin daughters, age 10 here.) Our family has had many discussions on “normal” and “right”, some of them heart breaking, some of them eye opening. Have patience with your child. It’s hard, I’m sure, to be in school where the “norm” is a mom and dad. It’s even harder when the media is reinforcing those “abnormal” perceptions and other parents are feeding into their own children’s heads the fact that we are an immoral bunch with no idea of what family life is all about.

Most importantly, just love your child. Let her come to terms with the fact that she does have two loving parents at home who respect her, love her and care for her. It won’t take her long to realize that although some of the outside world will have comments to make she will have the knowledge that you are waiting for her at home – her home, a home filled with love and happiness. As one of my daughters recently commented, “Mom, I feel sorry for all the kids at school who worry about their home life. I know I am loved.”

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