Comments on: “Ex-lesbian” mother has abusive boyfriend.

By: David

David — Sun, 24 Jun 2007 01:31:55 +0000

Girl do you have problems! As if a confused ex-lesbian is going to hitch a decent man. Until you make a clean break with your unfortunate past and sort out your muddled mind, you’ll continue to attract only dregs and losers!

By: Kelli

Kelli — Mon, 07 May 2007 18:03:42 +0000

please leave him! Dont go back to girls just go find another guy who is not like that and dont ever trust someone who does that to you like if they say i love you and i miss you dont believe them because they dont mean it.!!!!

By: Rosalyn

Rosalyn — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:11:53 +0000

I completely agree with Abigail on this.

You MUST get away from the abuse, if not for yourself, and that should be reason enough, but for the son that relies on you to keep him safe.
I believe until you sort yourself out with that situation, the rest is just too confusing and almost monumental to work on.

Once you’ve left him and get yourself sorted, everything will become much more clear.

Personally I think the way your family has reacted is sadly typical of overly religious people. Their thoughts should be of your happiness and nothing else because that’s what family is supposed to be about.

As far as how your son will deal with the idea of you dating women, I think if he was ok before then he will be ok once again. What`s the difference if you date a woman or yet another man after leaving this one?

Stay Safe

Rosalyn

By: Angelica

Angelica — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 03:10:23 +0000

First of all I want to thank Abigail for addressing this issue. I have been studying crime vicitim advocacy specifically domestic violence and sexual assualt in the glbt community. Dear friend, you are not alone! Unfortunately, there are hundreds men and woman in your situation across the US. I applaud you for asking this tough question and for exploring your options.

Abigail is right. You do need to get some help from the National Domestic Violence Hotline. You dont have to go into detail about your sexuality until you are comfortable. Just tell them that you are in an abusive relationship and ask for some help. There are wonderful people on the other line waiting to talk to you.

In my opinion you will always be a lesbian. If you are still having dreams about woman chances are you really do want to be with one. You need to work on getting you and your son to a “safe place” and then you can choose a partner who is going to be healthy for the both of you. However, I would caution that if your current partner (man or woman) is abusive you need to get counseling and be able to see the signs of an abusive partner. I would hate for you to find an abusive lesbian partner (because there are some out there).

You sound like a strong woman. Keep your head up. Take care of your son and yourself first then the person (be it male or female) who is out there for you will come. Good luck. Your in my thoughts

Angelica
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

By: Bonnie Tinker

Bonnie Tinker — Wed, 02 Feb 2005 23:44:41 +0000

Many domestic violence shelters now offer services that are specific for sexual minorities. Although your abuser is a man, it will be helpful for you to talk with women who understand domestic violence and are accepting of lesbians.

Abuse can happen in any relationship, but you may be more prone to accept it from a man because of the shame directed at you for your previous lesbian relationship.

When you call the National Domestic Violence Hotline be sure to tell them that you need to talk to someone who understands the pressures on lesbian women to act heterosexual for the sake of their family’s approval.

Your son will be fine as long as you love him and are honest with him, and protect him from violence.

yours,
Bonnie

Bonnie Tinker
Executive Director
Love Makes a Family, Inc.
(Also founding Chairperson of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence)