Comments on: Should a gay dad’s former wife still attend family events? http://familieslikemine.com/2005/04/ex-wife-still-attends-family-events/ Official Website for Abigail Garner's Book Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:20:13 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: Monica in Texas http://familieslikemine.com/2005/04/ex-wife-still-attends-family-events/#comment-25 Monica in Texas Wed, 29 Mar 2006 02:51:56 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2005/04/ex-wife-still-attends-family-events/#comment-25 I think that it is probably a case of the grandparents keeping her involved for the child's sake. I have been divorced from my husband of 10 years for 1 yr now and we are the best of friends. I live with my girlfriend and my 3 young daughters live with us. The fact that my husband knew her and what kind of person she was has made it easier for us to agree on custody and to maintain our friendship so that our children did not have to choosee. He joined us at my family's house for thanksgiving and christmas and everyone got along great. It is always best for a child to have both parents in their lives as much as possible even when they divorce. Divorce does not always have to be a battle if you truly put the child's best interest first. I think that it is probably a case of the grandparents keeping her involved for the child’s sake. I have been divorced from my husband of 10 years for 1 yr now and we are the best of friends. I live with my girlfriend and my 3 young daughters live with us. The fact that my husband knew her and what kind of person she was has made it easier for us to agree on custody and to maintain our friendship so that our children did not have to choosee. He joined us at my family’s house for thanksgiving and christmas and everyone got along great. It is always best for a child to have both parents in their lives as much as possible even when they divorce. Divorce does not always have to be a battle if you truly put the child’s best interest first.

]]> By: Anita http://familieslikemine.com/2005/04/ex-wife-still-attends-family-events/#comment-24 Anita Fri, 01 Apr 2005 16:51:12 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2005/04/ex-wife-still-attends-family-events/#comment-24 I am the "former wife" of a gay man who continues to have a relationship with his family -- and yes, all three of us (he, his partner and myself) are invited to family events. Together we have three children and we have tried hard to maintain a true friendship; not just being friendly to each other. His parents and I have maintained a good relationship over the years and I am grateful that we can continue to be a family -- when they are in town all are invited to be apart of the family, in every sense of the word. The last time his parents were in town, they came to my house and their son had to come there to see them (okay, it was too funny!) I believe the extended family has followed our lead: we have had to show them what we are comfortable with. I invite both my ex and his partner to family holidays, birthdays, children's events, etc. and as a result they are aware that we have made the children and their relationship with both parents a top priority. I guess I am fortunate that his partner feels very comfortable with me, we get along well, and we make it a point to focus our best efforts toward the children. No one can change the outcome of these marriages; however, we can change the future for our children. Our divorce was an ordeal -- it would take a lot to top the past 10 years, however it has never escaped either of us that we have a responsibility to three children who did not ask for this situation in their lives. If the adults have a problem with the relationship then the children will have a problem as well. They are taught through modeling behaviors -- all behaviors not just toddler ones. I am still their mother -- my children should not have to feel guilty because I am home alone on their birthday so they can spend it with their dad. They should never have worry that they are having fun or making memories and you are being left out by the other adults in their life. If you choose not to participate that is appropriate, but we should not be putting children in a position where they have to choose who they get to have at their "family gatherings". I am the “former wife” of a gay man who continues to have a relationship with his family — and yes, all three of us (he, his partner and myself) are invited to family events. Together we have three children and we have tried hard to maintain a true friendship; not just being friendly to each other. His parents and I have maintained a good relationship over the years and I am grateful that we can continue to be a family — when they are in town all are invited to be apart of the family, in every sense of the word. The last time his parents were in town, they came to my house and their son had to come there to see them (okay, it was too funny!)

I believe the extended family has followed our lead: we have had to show them what we are comfortable with. I invite both my ex and his partner to family holidays, birthdays, children’s events, etc. and as a result they are aware that we have made the children and their relationship with both parents a top priority. I guess I am fortunate that his partner feels very comfortable with me, we get along well, and we make it a point to focus our best efforts toward the children.

No one can change the outcome of these marriages; however, we can change the future for our children. Our divorce was an ordeal — it would take a lot to top the past 10 years, however it has never escaped either of us that we have a responsibility to three children who did not ask for this situation in their lives.

If the adults have a problem with the relationship then the children will have a problem as well. They are taught through modeling behaviors — all behaviors not just toddler ones.

I am still their mother — my children should not have to feel guilty because I am home alone on their birthday so they can spend it with their dad. They should never have worry that they are having fun or making memories and you are being left out by the other adults in their life. If you choose not to participate that is appropriate, but we should not be putting children in a position where they have to choose who they get to have at their “family gatherings”.

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