Comments on: Her father’s sexual orientation is the “elephant in the livingroom.”

By: Vivek

Vivek — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 15:52:46 +0000

I do wish all the so-called “straight” (as opposed to what? Crooked?) people stop behaving like being gay was so weird/wrong/bad/shameful/sinful/whatever, e.g. talking about “incriminating evidence”.. I mean what the heck? He’s not a criminal for God’s sake! If this pure-hearted “normal” society of ours would just accept gays, then they wouldn’t be forced to remain in a closet or get married to conform in the first place.

By: Y

Wed, 13 Oct 2010 10:24:11 +0000

17yo, I am one of four siblings, and became aware of my father’s sexual orientation two years ago.

Mixed Orientation Marriages do not work. My parents tried to rekindle what they may have once had, but realised they merely loved each other, but were not ‘in’ love. As much as I love my dad, I resent that he lived two lives for so long.

Today, Mum is single, has become an independent business woman and shares a new found confidence with the world. Dad has a steady relationship with a man whom I not only consider to be a friend, but a part of the family.

By: Donna

Donna — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 22:31:17 +0000

I’m in my 30′s, have always known on some level my dad is gay, only got it confirmed by my mum recently, they’re finally splitting up. I’m so confused as to how to be around them both now. She knows i know, but he doesn’t know i know, and i can’t see myself saying anything to him.
He has been so angry and sad and frustrated for as long as i’ve known him and I just don’t know how to be around either of them.
I’m so stressed, sad, upset, I just want them to die and leave me in peace and i feel so awful saying that but I can’t see any other way out of this situation.
I just want us all to have some peace.
I’m seeing a therapist but i don’t even know how to discuss it with her!
Seriously, you couldn’t make it up.

By: Lizzard

Lizzard — Sun, 19 Sep 2010 05:48:47 +0000

I got confirmation about 3 weeks ago that my dad is gay, but I’ve known since I was around 15 (I’m 28 now). He’s embarrassed and ashamed, and I only got confirmation after finally having a conversation with my mom where she essentially forced me to say it to her. They are trying the MOM as well for a number of reasons – my parents still love each other, and at this point, after 31 years of marriage, I don’t think either of them want to start over. My mom told my dad that I know, and he’s ok with it, but doesn’t want to talk with me about it, so now it’s like we’ve all acknowledged that the elephant is in the room, but we’re letting it just sit there. I know it is their relationship, but it’s our family, and the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

By: sky

sky — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:18:48 +0000

As a gay oldest son, I was inherently aware of my father being gay, more understood after my own journey toward self acceptance which continues to this day. For my father it was an element of shame that he spent his whole life trying to suppress. I was driven to be a father in many ways to correct his failings, only to see me accomplish that but to leave a broken family. Marrying a woman was my only option to becoming a Dad, and I practiced the same denial mechanisms that many have posted here. My father grew increasingly more estranged over the years, and rather than confront him, I let him go, honoring his wish for secrecy, which he took to his grave. I am out to my own children, with whom I enjoy completely loving relationships.

By: molly

molly — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 02:11:32 +0000

I learned my dad was gay at the same time I learned he was dying from AIDS. (I had wondered for years but never had the nerve to confront my Dad.) My family had a couple of days in the hospital to talk with my dad about it but he died soon after with my mom and my brother by his side. I still have a lot of questions but I know I will never get them answered now. If you are a gay person and are hiding behind a “normal” lifestyle, come out before it is too late. My Dad’s orientation will never change my love for him. I miss you Dad!

By: Lani

Lani — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 13:12:30 +0000

My dad is also gay, they split up four years ago when I was 12… This is probably different to a lot of the stories above – mum was definitely abused emotionally and psychologically by my dad. It shattered her whole self-identity. She doubts herself way too much.

I believe dad’s mistake was keeping up this facade and hurting mum for 30 years in a marriage that was never going to work. I can forgive my dad for leaving us but will never forgive what he did to mum. she torments herself about what she was doing wrong and how she could solve it..running around in circles..it has definitely mentally scarred her.

I don’t tell friends or anyone about my dad. people are too soon to judge these days and i don’t want to have messy questions afterwards..it’s not mine to tell.. this is the first time i’ve mentioned this to ANYONE in the whole world…

By: Alex

Alex — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:05:03 +0000

I never really thought about it, but not until about 18 months ago did I find out that my dad may have had homosexual feelings all along. I never confronted him with what I suspected and found out, but this piece of information certainly helped me deal with the past. My dad was always very strict and almost obsessive-compulsive in his conviction to make me ‘a real man’ … and he’s always somewhat intrigued by anything gay-related, whether it be on my parents’ travels, or about where I like to go out (yes, I’m gay myself!), about gay tv shows. I don’t think my mom knows, cause she found ‘strange videos’ on their computer (which were promos of gay porn movies), but my mom somehow still thinks they’re mine! I don’t feel I can confront my dad, but I don’t think it’s fair to all of us.

By: dary

dary — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:16:40 +0000

I found out about my dad being gay a few years ago. I am extremely hurt to know that he has denied this for years. I have tried to accept the situation but I can’t help it. I am so hurt inside to know that he was married to my mom for 25 years and did this. If you are a gay man, don’t marry a woman! All you will do is hurt your family!!

By: frustrated

frustrated — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:20:35 +0000

I always knew that my father was gay, since I was a youth. I remember catching him and his male “live in friend” during one of my parents separations, hugging and kissing around 5-6 years old. I was reprimanded when making a big deal of it, only to be told “we were wrestling”. My father has male friends who visits the house in my mothers absence out of town and, often when she is here. The irony of this is, “We don’t know these individuals”. I come from a African American family and, there are several variables at play, contributing to my frustration. Day by day, I lose a tremendous amount of respect for him. He does not know that I know this information about him. This website is very cathartic and I appreciate this constructive forum to vent my frustrations.
Thank you!