Comments on: Her father’s sexual orientation is the “elephant in the livingroom.”

By: sky

sky — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:18:48 +0000

As a gay oldest son, I was inherently aware of my father being gay, more understood after my own journey toward self acceptance which continues to this day. For my father it was an element of shame that he spent his whole life trying to suppress. I was driven to be a father in many ways to correct his failings, only to see me accomplish that but to leave a broken family. Marrying a woman was my only option to becoming a Dad, and I practiced the same denial mechanisms that many have posted here. My father grew increasingly more estranged over the years, and rather than confront him, I let him go, honoring his wish for secrecy, which he took to his grave. I am out to my own children, with whom I enjoy completely loving relationships.

By: molly

molly — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 02:11:32 +0000

I learned my dad was gay at the same time I learned he was dying from AIDS. (I had wondered for years but never had the nerve to confront my Dad.) My family had a couple of days in the hospital to talk with my dad about it but he died soon after with my mom and my brother by his side. I still have a lot of questions but I know I will never get them answered now. If you are a gay person and are hiding behind a “normal” lifestyle, come out before it is too late. My Dad’s orientation will never change my love for him. I miss you Dad!

By: Lani

Lani — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 13:12:30 +0000

My dad is also gay, they split up four years ago when I was 12… This is probably different to a lot of the stories above – mum was definitely abused emotionally and psychologically by my dad. It shattered her whole self-identity. She doubts herself way too much.

I believe dad’s mistake was keeping up this facade and hurting mum for 30 years in a marriage that was never going to work. I can forgive my dad for leaving us but will never forgive what he did to mum. she torments herself about what she was doing wrong and how she could solve it..running around in circles..it has definitely mentally scarred her.

I don’t tell friends or anyone about my dad. people are too soon to judge these days and i don’t want to have messy questions afterwards..it’s not mine to tell.. this is the first time i’ve mentioned this to ANYONE in the whole world…

By: Alex

Alex — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 14:05:03 +0000

I never really thought about it, but not until about 18 months ago did I find out that my dad may have had homosexual feelings all along. I never confronted him with what I suspected and found out, but this piece of information certainly helped me deal with the past. My dad was always very strict and almost obsessive-compulsive in his conviction to make me ‘a real man’ … and he’s always somewhat intrigued by anything gay-related, whether it be on my parents’ travels, or about where I like to go out (yes, I’m gay myself!), about gay tv shows. I don’t think my mom knows, cause she found ’strange videos’ on their computer (which were promos of gay porn movies), but my mom somehow still thinks they’re mine! I don’t feel I can confront my dad, but I don’t think it’s fair to all of us.

By: dary

dary — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 09:16:40 +0000

I found out about my dad being gay a few years ago. I am extremely hurt to know that he has denied this for years. I have tried to accept the situation but I can’t help it. I am so hurt inside to know that he was married to my mom for 25 years and did this. If you are a gay man, don’t marry a woman! All you will do is hurt your family!!

By: frustrated

frustrated — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:20:35 +0000

I always knew that my father was gay, since I was a youth. I remember catching him and his male “live in friend” during one of my parents separations, hugging and kissing around 5-6 years old. I was reprimanded when making a big deal of it, only to be told “we were wrestling”. My father has male friends who visits the house in my mothers absence out of town and, often when she is here. The irony of this is, “We don’t know these individuals”. I come from a African American family and, there are several variables at play, contributing to my frustration. Day by day, I lose a tremendous amount of respect for him. He does not know that I know this information about him. This website is very cathartic and I appreciate this constructive forum to vent my frustrations.
Thank you!

By: Josh

Josh — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 21:07:58 +0000

My dad is gay, but now that he has told me everything, it makes sense and i can carry on with my life.

By: Amanda.

Amanda. — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 04:13:58 +0000

i’m 20, i have an older sister 22 and younger brother, 18. and we all just recently found out that my Father is gay. My dad decided to tell me on new year’s, before he told anyone else. while him and my mom are still married, they sleep in different parts of the house, and he is always gone on long trips to see his boyfriend. My dad doesn’t see that what he is doing is hurting our family tremendously, but he wont talk about it. My mom and dad are staying together for all the wrong reasons, and i just want them to move on with their lives.

By: Naomi

Naomi — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 14:54:19 +0000

The best outcome to the scenario is that they divorce, find loving partners and remain very close friends. It doesn’t make the whole relationship a lie, as they will have shared so much and loved each other – the only reason for them not to be friends is if one of them is bitter and hateful.

I was spared this situation because my boyfriend came out to me. He didn’t want to cheat on me with a man so we broke up. I still love him very very much and would love to have children with him still in a friend capacity. I’m very proud of him for being true to himself and only feel sorry for men whom it takes 25 years. I have supported him all the way, although it hurts, I know it is the fault of neither of us.

By: Rylie

Rylie — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:15:52 +0000

I’m having the same kind of dilema. I have SO much proof that my dad is gay and I told my mom when I was really little. But she just said ‘If your dad was gay he wouldn’t have married me.’ And I feel if I showed her anything incriminating that they would divorce, and I don’t want to be responsible for that. I feel like I’m backed into a corner, I’ve got to keep quiet or something bad will happen. But he’s always bringing his ‘friends’ over. I even found an IM with him and another guy telling the guy to come over and not to worry because I was asleep still!! It breaks my heart..it makes me want to hate him, but I can’t. I’m closer to my dad than I am my mom. And, I just don’t know what to do..it doesn’t seem fair.