Comments on: Hooking up with Mom’s Ex-Partner http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/ Official Website for Abigail Garner's Book Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:14:53 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.2 By: HonestLove http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-1921 HonestLove Tue, 28 Aug 2007 19:19:37 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-1921 Don't go behind your mom's back anymore. I believe the 2 of u should set-up a time and discuss this face to face. It doesn't sound like the best situation, but the feelings and realities need to be discussed. People can't just be tossed away. Discuss this. Don’t go behind your mom’s back anymore. I believe the 2 of u should set-up a time and discuss this face to face. It doesn’t sound like the best situation, but the feelings and realities need to be discussed. People can’t just be tossed away. Discuss this.

]]> By: tovorinok http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-1773 tovorinok Thu, 05 Jul 2007 08:13:13 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-1773 Hello Great book. I just want to say what a fantastic thing you are doing! Good luck! G'night Hello

Great book. I just want to say what a fantastic thing you are doing! Good luck!

G’night

]]> By: K http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-241 K Fri, 02 Jun 2006 19:40:25 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-241 Sounds to me like Miss Ex is running a nasty little bit of "get even"...talk about a slap in the face! Sounds to me like Miss Ex is running a nasty little bit of “get even”…talk about a slap in the face!

]]> By: Jade http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-239 Jade Fri, 02 Jun 2006 00:47:15 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-239 Well, I hope she hears you...and the feedback loud and clear, although I don't think I would have came across so judgmental. If you want her to listen, I would show her you understand first. Then explain the inappropiate behavior. But then this is advice column and no relationship to worry about. I can relate somewhat. I have had a few of my mom's ex's comment about wanting to go out with me. I closed those doors as fast they came through. Way inappropiate in my opinion! Her situation reminds me of "incest among friends:" A group of friends who hang out regularly and end up partnering up with each others ex's within the group. I can understand how it happens. Friends vent and comfort each other...which leads to getting involved. Boundaries people! Have respect for yourself and others. There are always consequences to our choices! Be prepared to accept them. In short, I hope she sees a therapist!! Work on those boundary issues. Well, I hope she hears you…and the feedback loud and clear, although I don’t think I would have came across so judgmental. If you want her to listen, I would show her you understand first. Then explain the inappropiate behavior. But then this is advice column and no relationship to worry about.

I can relate somewhat. I have had a few of my mom’s ex’s comment about wanting to go out with me. I closed those doors as fast they came through. Way inappropiate in my opinion!

Her situation reminds me of “incest among friends:” A group of friends who hang out regularly and end up partnering up with each others ex’s within the group. I can understand how it happens. Friends vent and comfort each other…which leads to getting involved. Boundaries people! Have respect for yourself and others. There are always consequences to our choices! Be prepared to accept them.

In short, I hope she sees a therapist!! Work on those boundary issues.

]]> By: M http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-238 M Thu, 01 Jun 2006 21:03:55 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-238 Woah! Well said, Abigail. It always seems odd to me -- but certainly part of the human experience -- when people can't seem to separate people who make good friends, or confidantes, or step-mothers, but shouldn't become lovers. Unless this woman lives in a town with only three lesbians (her mother, her mother's ex, and her), then it seems there are plenty of fish in the sea. Sexual tension does wane if you don't act on it. My advice to your questioner: Have her be the confidante, stay connected, heck, even acknowlege the sexual tension (now seemingly consumated sexual tension) in your relationship. But leave the sex and the crazy family dymanics that result out of it. Woah! Well said, Abigail.

It always seems odd to me — but certainly part of the human experience — when people can’t seem to separate people who make good friends, or confidantes, or step-mothers, but shouldn’t become lovers. Unless this woman lives in a town with only three lesbians (her mother, her mother’s ex, and her), then it seems there are plenty of fish in the sea. Sexual tension does wane if you don’t act on it.

My advice to your questioner: Have her be the confidante, stay connected, heck, even acknowlege the sexual tension (now seemingly consumated sexual tension) in your relationship. But leave the sex and the crazy family dymanics that result out of it.

]]> By: Jeanne http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-237 Jeanne Thu, 01 Jun 2006 20:34:42 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-237 Yikes! Of course this is a situation loaded with "issues." As a child and family therapist, I am concerned on several (at least) levels. I believe that Abigail did a very good job of covering some very critical "issues" with your situation... your mother's feelings and your sibling's feelings. Also your new partner's thinking/feelings/blindness to her former partner/current co-parent and to her child. Again, what about your sensitivity to your mother and also to your own little sibling, who can't be all that old at this point... less than 7? Yikes! I don't see how your situation could be disclosed without lots of betrayal, confusion and perhaps irreparable "issues." I am glad that you had perhaps some sense to write in and ask for opinions, so that you could get some feedback. Please consider and reconsider what you do from this point on with your situation!!! Yikes! Of course this is a situation loaded with “issues.” As a child and family therapist, I am concerned on several (at least) levels. I believe that Abigail did a very good job of covering some very critical “issues” with your situation… your mother’s feelings and your sibling’s feelings. Also your new partner’s thinking/feelings/blindness to her former partner/current co-parent and to her child. Again, what about your sensitivity to your mother and also to your own little sibling, who can’t be all that old at this point… less than 7? Yikes! I don’t see how your situation could be disclosed without lots of betrayal, confusion and perhaps irreparable “issues.” I am glad that you had perhaps some sense to write in and ask for opinions, so that you could get some feedback. Please consider and reconsider what you do from this point on with your situation!!!

]]> By: TS http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-236 TS Thu, 01 Jun 2006 19:28:43 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-236 Abigail: COMPLETELY ON POINT! A very thorough and candid response. I can only hope she listens to and follows your excellent advice to the letter! Abigail:

COMPLETELY ON POINT! A very thorough and candid response.

I can only hope she listens to and follows your excellent advice to the letter!

]]> By: Daniele Grier http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-234 Daniele Grier Thu, 01 Jun 2006 15:29:51 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-234 I think that you are either crazy or just plain mean. Why would you want to hurt your mother like this. Did the two of you consider what would happen to the child. Get your head out of the clouds (or where ever else it may be) and think responsible. This is not all about you, girlfriend! I think that you are either crazy or just plain mean. Why would you want to hurt your mother like this. Did the two of you consider what would happen to the child. Get your head out of the clouds (or where ever else it may be) and think responsible. This is not all about you, girlfriend!

]]> By: Rita http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-232 Rita Wed, 31 May 2006 16:51:02 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-232 hi -- great tough love response. I don't know what the heck people are thinking sometimes. hi — great tough love response. I don’t know what the heck people are thinking sometimes.

]]> By: Anonymous http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-227 Anonymous Wed, 31 May 2006 02:09:44 +0000 http://familieslikemine.com/2006/05/hooking-up-with-moms-ex-partner/#comment-227 I think your answer is spot on. Even if this woman wasn't a parent to her, she was clearly no casual fling to her mother. I do know someone who has slept with both a mother and daughter but the circumstances were very different. There was no child. My friend was in her 20's and I don't think that anything long-term was considered with either. Certainly she was not part of the family with either of them, unlike this situation. I think your answer is spot on. Even if this woman wasn’t a parent to her, she was clearly no casual fling to her mother. I do know someone who has slept with both a mother and daughter but the circumstances were very different. There was no child. My friend was in her 20’s and I don’t think that anything long-term was considered with either. Certainly she was not part of the family with either of them, unlike this situation.

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